I had titled this parody as "The Story of Man" during 6/18/87.   
I have now retitled this slightly revised parody "The Story of 
Intelligent Design," 10/31/05
                           
    Big Daddy must have really been impatient with Big Momma.  
He must have been disturbed over the way She was handling things.  
He must have wanted to hurry things up a little.  That's probably 
why He created Man. 

    It was quite simple the way He went about doing it.  He 
took an ordinary ape, straightened its back, shortened its arms, 
lengthened its legs, and gave it a haircut.  Then He did something 
He'd never done before; He actually touched His new creation on 
the head, and that's when all the trouble started.

    Of course, new creatures were nothing new to Big Momma; Big 
Daddy was always messing around with something new.  Sometimes 
it worked and sometimes it didn't.  As far as She was concerned, 
this new ‘whatever it was' wasn't going to last.  Next to a 
dinosaur, it was nothing.  It stood upright, it had small fangs, 
no claws and had a hard time getting out of its own way--absolutely 
nothing that could keep it alive.  "The ‘Old Man' must have been 
on ‘star juice' when He made this one" She had said at one time.
    In the beginning, this new mutation called "Man," wasn't much 
of a predator.  He raided nests for eggs, ate what the carnivores 
left behind, and very often became a part of the leavings himself.  
His future looked bleak.

    Being forever a woman, it was Big Momma's style in these days, 
to let the world ferment on its own for awhile as She made Her 
social rounds through the universe. It was on Her return from such 
a respite that She got the biggest surprise of Her eternal life. 
She had only been away

a million years and though She felt sorry for Big Father's latest 
brainstorm, She was certain He wouldn't be around when She got back. 
 "Survival of the fittest," She's always said and later came to regret.  
Well, you can imagine Her surprise when She saw that Man had survived. 
 These little creatures had not only survived, but they had taken on 
a completely new look.  They weren't naked anymore.  They were all 
clothed in fine furs and they were all carrying clubs, stone axes,
 shields, and spears.  Even more amazing, they had learned how to 
make fire and they weren't groveling and groaning anymore; they were 
talking--something only the Gods could do.  Big Momma finally realized 
that She was in trouble.  This new creature called Man was not like 
the mindless creatures that Big Daddy had created in the past.  
He had given this one a brain.

    As She watched through time, Man started taking Her intricate 
system of checks and balances apart to redirect them for His own 
expanding needs.  In the space of a few more million years He had 
learned how to domesticize and control the breeding of animals 
so He would not have to hunt them. He had learned how to cultivate 
the earth so He wouldn't have to scratch for plant foods.  He had 
come out of the caves and had built shelters.  His mating habits 
had changed.  He no longer cycled with the seasons as the rest of 
the creatures did; He laid with His woman whenever He wanted and 
the more He laid with Her, the more He multiplied.

    "It makes no difference how I set things up," She fumed.  "This 
hairless ape is only going to try and change it anyway.

    She had been so busy watching that 18,000,000 years slipped 
by without Her realizing it.  It was absurd, ridiculous, 
intolerable -- something had to be done.

    "It's no good to fool around with Big Momma," She screamed 
as She furiously stirred up the elements. She caused volcano 
eruptions, droughts, plagues, hurricanes, typhoons, monsoons, 
earthquakes, and then She topped the whole thing off with an ice 
age.  But no matter what She did, Man survived and got stronger -- 
and multiplied.  She was beside Herself.  She melted all the ice 
and caused the world to be flooded.  Of course, She realized that 
a billion-and-a-half years of evolution might go down the drain, 
but it was a chance She had to take.  Well, as we all know now, 
things didn't turn out the way Big Momma expected.  Gossip had it 
that Big Daddy tipped Her hand and had Man build a boat and put 
His most favorite creatures on it.  As it turned out, Man and all 
of these creatures survived but all of the dinosaurs, and 
really big ones, died.

    From the very beginning when this fragile being called Man 
was put on this earth, He has had to continually fight the forces 
of nature and He had survived.  He was now many races, speaking 
in many tongues.  He made laws and governed nations.  He had many 
gods and many religions.  Man's most formidable enemy had become 
Man himself.  He had done a great many good things and a great 
many bad.  He was now harnessing the atom.  If he ultimately 
used these new forces for good, the world would survive.  But 
if the bad in Him prevailed, and if He accidentally or in 
anger pulls the ‘Big Plug', the world, and possibly our whole 
solar system, would perish.

    Today, Big Daddy and Big Momma are cautiously watching and 
Big Momma especially.  Though Man was an unwanted child, and She 
wanted to abort Him, He had become the most promising and exciting 
of all Her children.  In Her more trying moments, She had also 
considered pulling the ‘Big Plug' Herself, but since all of the 
remaining worlds in the universe, have Big Mommas of their own.  
She wouldn't have anything left to do and nothing to look forward 
to but eternal boredom.

    Big Momma desperately hopes that Man finds His way, although 
She still can't figure out why Big Daddy made Him in the first place.  And do you know what?  At times, Big Daddy can't figure it out either.
    

                        Joseph Vosbikian